How To Cope With Hurt Feelings
By David J. Stewart
Acts 7:54, “When they heard these things, they were cut to the heart, and they gnashed on him with their teeth.”
Coping With Hurt Feelings
We all get our ego ruffled, our feelings wounded, and our heart sliced and scathed by OTHERS. One thing you can always count on in life is getting your feelings hurt by people. People equal pain. Life is about people hurting people. These are some of the statements I've heard people say on the internet lately (and they are true to an extent). My friend, you can't hurt a dead man. We are DEAD in Christ! Colossians 3:3 says, “For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” The Biblical way to cope with hurt feelings is to lose yourself in Christ Jesus as the Bible says. We are “hid” with Christ in God. The Greek word for “hid” here is krupto and means “to conceal.”
Literally, it means that we forget about ourselves and focus on living for Christ. When I get my feelings I hurt I witness to the person(s) who hurt me if possible, or someone else if they are gone. When the Devil kicks me in the butt, I kick him in the groin. One day last year I went to the beach to play my Hawaiian guitar. As I rolled over a tree root, my musical equipment, milk basket and radio fell on the ground. I stacked it all back onto the handcart and proceeded to move. As I rolled over another root it all fell a second time and I heard a group of people laughing loudly. I looked up and saw two women and some teenagers staring my way and laughing hilariously. I was angry and looked right at them (with laser beam eyes). I was thinking... what jerks!
I was so mad at them. I didn't feel well to begin with and my pain medications were affecting me. They just kept on laughing... Hardy Har Har! I immediately thought of Romans 12:21, “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.” So I said to myself, “I'll fix you Devil.” I walked over to those people and very kindly said, “Hello. You know, no one likes to be laughed at when they fall down. I know you didn't mean to be unkind; it's just natural to laugh at others. It is funny. But I know you wouldn't like if someone laughed at you if something bad happened. Could I please give you all some Gospels of John to read later?” So I handed out a dozen Gospels of John and smiled, saying, “God bless you all and have a good day.” I had a great day afterwards. Now I could have been bitter all day. I could have cursed them out. I could have thought of some way to get back at them. Instead I was content that I showed them Christ's love and shared the Gospel with them.
We get our feelings hurt because we are human beings created in God's image. Did you know that you can hurt God's feelings? Ephesians 4:30, “And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.” The word “grieve” here is the Greek word lupeo which means “to distress; reflexively or passively to be sad.” The Holy Spirit is God with us! God lives within our body (Romans 8:9), which is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1st Corinthians 3:16-17). The following verses tell us what saddens God. Ephesians 4:31-32, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” The two greatest Commandments in the Bible is: first, to “LOVE”; and second, to “LOVE.” Love and tears are inseparable. When you truly love someone you'll cry over them. It is our hard-hearts that prevent us from crying.
My friend, don't be like so many people today, who, study to show themselves approved unto men. The Bible exhorts us in 2nd Timothy 2:15, “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” Many Bible students desire to fill their head with data (knowledge); but God want to burn our heart with the truth. Jeremiah 20:9, “Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.” What a beautiful truth! Someone once asked, “How long should I read my Bible for each day?” The answer is “Till your heart burns!”
How To Develop Love For Others
My friend, the way to have Biblical tears for OTHERS is to force yourself to THINK about OTHERS. If a selfish believer only thinks about their own problems, their own family, their own burdens and their own life—then of course they will not feel any compassion nor shed any tears for OTHERS. The truth is that we shed tears over people that mean something to us, and as God's children we ought to cultivate a concern for all mankind.
Jesus said in Luke 12:34, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” Some people get this backwards, thinking that one's treasure follows their heart. But that's not what the Bible says. The Bible says that one's HEART will follow their treasure. The heart follows! Thus, if you make yourself spend time thinking about the burdens, problems and sinful condition of OTHERS—and make yourself pray for them every day—over time you will have made an INVESTMENT into those people and will feel for them in your heart. That's how it works my friend. I have prayed for people that I don't know personally, but because I was thinking about them daily in my prayers they became KNOWN TO ME. I found myself crying eventually for them.
You ought to make it a policy that you always pray for OTHERS at least equally as long as you prayed for yourself. This is beginners 101 Christianity. Biblically, Jesus taught that we should spend MUCH more time praying for OTHERS. Jesus tells us not to spend much time praying for ourselves (as the heathen do, Matthew 6:7). But the Lord taught that God the Father is PLEASED when we spend lengthy amounts of prayer PERSEVERING for the needs and burdens of OTHERS. In Luke 11:5-6 a man came to his neighbor, pleading at midnight for the NEEDS of a friend who made a long journey and is hungry. The Lord is pleased very much when we spend a lot of time thinking and praying for others.
This is what the Lord means when He says, “LAY UP FOR YOURSELVES TREASURES IN HEAVEN” in Matthew 6:20. Matthew 6:19-20, “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal.” Carefully notice the Scriptures in Matthew 6":1-18 which precede the Lord's exhortation to lay up for yourselves treasures in Heaven. These Scriptures speak of giving alms (money to the poor), praying, forgiveness and prayer. All of these things are rooted in OTHERS. We lay up treasures in Heaven by INVESTING IN OTHERS. Philippians 2:4-5 says that Jesus looked (regarded) the things of others. The word “things” in Philippians 2:4-5, “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.”
It's been said that if you PRETEND to be what you want to become, eventually you will become it. This is true! The infamous secular speaker, Earl Nightingale (1921-1989) made a career out of six words, that is, “We become what we think about.” Not all secular psychology is unbiblical.
The philosophy I just shared with you is Biblical. Proverbs 23:7, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...” This is why the Bible tells us to think on things that are lovely, and of praise, and of virtue, and honest, good things. Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” The reason why most believers can't even begin to understand Psalms 126:5-6 (“He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed”) is because they're selfish. Most Christians have never shed one tear over the lost, wicked, backslidden and those suffering.
Overcome Hurt Feelings With Soul-Winning
Very few Believers ever mature in the grace of Jesus Christ to where they live for OTHERS. The Lord wants us to pray, shed tears and be concerned about OTHERS; to pray for them and forgive their transgressions against us. Granted, it's not easy to live for OTHERS because our sinful nature and flesh wants to live for self. When's the last time that you CRIED for someone else?
People can be real jerks sometimes, but we need to love them with through Christ's eyes, looking beyond their faults and seeing their humanity. I didn't write this article to rebuke fellow believers for not shedding tears and caring about OTHERS; but rather, to encourage you to begin doing so. Most believers will never hear a sermon about crying for OTHERS. Psalms 126:5-6, “They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.”
When someone hurts my feelings, I hand them a Gospel tract. I always keep 3-4 Gospel tracts in my shirt pocket (I don't like shirts without pockets). I always keep at least one Gospel tract on reserve. I never give them all away. I make sure that I have at least one for that person who hurts me. That's the best way to cope that I've found, because they you can walk away knowing that you shared the Gospel with them. I've had cashiers be mean to me, take my tract and literally throw it into the trash can right in front of me.
Oftentimes when I get my feelings hurt, I'll come home and write an article about a truth the Lord has laid upon my heart. I have written many articles after being hurt by someone(s). I don't write about the mean person, not usually, unless I think that there's a practical and Biblical application that will help others in the Lord. Usually I write about the bigger picture, that is, the general deterioration of American society today. 2nd Timothy 3:1-5 often comes to mind. I love the Bible. It has become my closest friend. Jesus told us to abide in the Scriptures in John 15:1-7.
If you want to be close to God, then listen to Alexander Scourby read the Bible on CD (I love his voice). Study along as you hear Scriptural truths—things that are interesting and that burn your heart. Pray as you study and ask God to open your eyes. You will be blessed, blessed, blessed. And then the next time you go out in public, you'll begin to start thinking the way God does. You begin to see the wickedness of our degenerate American culture. I encourage you to listen to lots of red-hot preaching by Dr. Jack Hyles (1926-2001) and Evangelist Lester Roloff (1914-1982). I love to witness to people—give out Gospels of John, pass out Gospel tracts, personally share the Gospel with people, et cetera. People ask where I go to church and I tell them.
I never knew true happiness until I began to live for the salvation of souls. It's the only way to truly be happy my friend. I rejoice that my name is written in Heaven, but that is my inner joy. My outer happiness comes from bringing others with me to Heaven. I mentor hundreds of Christians around the world through my website. They have found the Lord through my ministry for they Lord. And now they are faithful visitors who want to hear from me, to know what God has laid upon my heart day-by-day.
Always be soul-conscious my friend, and your feelings will not matter so much anymore. As I said earlier, you can't hurt a dead man. We are DEAD in Christ! Colossians 3:3 says, “For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.” The Biblical way to cope with hurt feelings is to lose yourself in Christ Jesus as the Bible says. We are “hid” with Christ in God. The Greek word for “hid” here is krupto and means “to conceal.” Die my friend. You don't have to commit suicide to escape this miserable life; just believe the Gospel and then you'll be dead with Christ in this world. You're dead because this world means nothing to you anymore. You're now a citizen of Heaven. Philippians 3:20: “For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ.” The Greek word for “conversation” is politeuma which means “a community, that is, citizenship.” Amen brother and sister, we are already a part of the COMMUNITY in Heaven, a citizen with all the inclusive and exclusive rights. Whew!
I don't know about you, but that excites me inside and makes me want to jump up and down and praise God!!! This is why the Bible teaches that we are DEAD in Christ. This earthly world is no longer our home. We are as pilgrims and strangers just passing through.
This world is not my home, I'm just a passin' through;
Our treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.
The angels beckon me from Heaven's golden shore,
no I can't feel at home in this world anymore!
Aren't those beautiful words my friend. If you've never been born-again, then please receive Christ now. We are all sinners (Romans 3:23). God's Law was given to show us our inability to live perfect, and to make us GUILTY BEFORE GOD (Romans 3:19). The good news (which is what the word 'Gospel' means) is that God sent His only begotten Son into the world to pay for our sins (John 3:16). Jesus was born of a virgin and did not have an earthly father (Matthew 1:23). Jesus lived a sinless life (Hebrews 4:15). Jesus died, was buried and rose up three days later (1st Corinthians 15:1-4).
The Gospel is defined as Jesus' DEATH, BURIAL and RESURRECTION. If you receive Christ's shed blood upon the cross as payment for YOUR SINS, then you are saved eternally. It's that simple! We are saved by placing our trust in Jesus, the Christ, the Son of God Who died, was buried and rose again for our justification. Amen and amen!
It Is Good For Me That I Have Been Afflicted
I've never been closer to God than I am now, but I've never suffered as much bodily and emotionally as I am now. The two are inseparable. No one can truly be close to God until they suffer adverse hardships, inexplicable mental anguish and relentless pain that will never go away until death. Psalms:119:71, “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.” Whew! What a precious Scripture! IT IS GOOD FOR ME THAT I HAVE BEEN AFFLICTED; THAT I MIGHT LEARN THY STATUTES!!! It is good for me that I have been afflicted.
I always think about how difficult it is to stand behind a cash-register all day, dealing with every sort of personality as various people go through the checkout line. Cashiers must meet some weird people. They have to pay back any missing money at the end of their shift, So they have to be very careful not to give the wrong amount of change. In some cases they will be fired if too much money is missing, or it happens often. So it's not a very pleasant job having to deal with money and people all day long. A few people like working a cash-register, but I think most people don't.
I love the following Scripture that says Abel “BEING DEAD YET SPEAKETH” ...
Hebrews 11:4, “By faith Abel offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, by which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts: and by it he being dead yet speaketh.”
Abel's blood sacrifice spoke a thousand words, testifying of his faith in the coming Lamb of God.
Enoch also was a man who walked with God, who had this testimony... THAT HE PLEASED GOD!
Hebrews 11:5-6, “By faith Enoch was translated that he should not see death; and was not found, because God had translated him: for before his translation he had this testimony, that he pleased God. But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”
Job 16:2, “I have heard many such things: miserable comforters are ye all.”
This website has been created in Jesus' name—the name above every other name (Philippians 2:9-10).
"Ye that love the LORD, hate evil..." —Psalm 97:10
You Need HIS Righteousness!